Thursday, December 22, 2011

the start...

I’ve decided to start blogging. Who knows if I will actually stick with it or forget about it within a week but it’s worth a shot, right?  Even if no one reads it I will feel better for getting whatever is on my mind out.
The year is almost over and I will be glad to be done with it. I had some really good times and some I would rather forget.  My plan is to make 2012 a much better year for myself and to actually follow through on some goals I have set. I’m really bad at following through on things. I’m such a damn procrastinator. (I also have a tendency to ramble and get off topic quickly and easily) Ok, back to the point.
So 2011, a quick recap! Got to go on a basically a free trip to San Diego with my friend Nate. It was a phenomenal. We stayed at the HotelDel Coronado and it was a once in a lifetime trip. So my year started out on a high note. I also started college ,again. I was scared out of my mind but was pleasantly surprised on my ability to get into learning mode (and, hey, I’m not as dumb as I thought! Yay) I also started talking to someone new in February. Well he wasn’t new, he was technically old because I’ve known him since I was five. I kissed him behind the bookshelf in kindergarten and he took me to a movie and bought me ice cream (his mom drove of course). Now I’m sure you just did the mental ‘aww, isn’t that just so sweet’ thing in your head. Well let me tell you, that’s the last time you will have that thought about this dude.  I won’t go into detail but I can compare us to Sid & Nancy without all the fun drugs and rock & roll, oh and that murder thing. I think the new term for that would be a toxic relationship. So after 10 months of that crap it’s done and I’m better for it. The odd part about it, in the past I’ve been a total head case over things like this, and this time, I just wasn’t. Yes, there was one day that yes I got a little “upset” but nothing a little magic pill Xanax couldn’t fix. I was actually a little blasé about all of it.  Something just clicked in my head and said… I deserve more than this. I am too old for this Jerry Springer-esque shit. I decided that if I wanted more than that I need to actually WORK (eek) to get it, and that’s where my goal of making 2012 my year for improvement. School and a new diet and exercise regiment to start, (Ok, who am I kidding, my old diet and exercise regiment was eating lots of take out and watching a lot of Netflix.) but also sticking with this notion of deserving more. It’s been said to me a thousand times, you have to love yourself before someone can love you. To me that sounds like bullshit excuse on why I can’t seem to find a man, but I get it. So lets hope this attitude sticks around I get some results.

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