Friday, May 11, 2012

Liar,liar,.... you know the rest.

They say it takes 28 days to break a habit. Sounds legit. So how long does it take stop loving someone?  Or how many weeks will it be until I don't miss someone?
One of my first posts I talked about a guy that I had gotten involved with and was trying to cut off, well needless to say the cutting off didn't work out to well. He has a way of pulling me back in... he's like a drug and I'm a junky for his bullshit. I would keep going back for one more fix. I would tell myself I could handle it we could be just friends and I would be fine or make excuses. I was lying to myself because I wasn't fine and the excuses that I was making for him couldn't hold water. No matter which way you sliced it, he was cheating, and it was wrong.
I'm on day 13 of breaking my bad habit. I've only got 15 more days to go. I've told my friends I don't want to hear his name or know any news or gossip about him unless it's dire. (Basically unless he's dead, dying or been take hostage by a band of misfit toys he doesn't exist to me.) At this point my only fear is randomly running into him somewhere and having a similar reaction to the last time, which could have been way more embarrassing. that it was.(Last time I 'almost' ran into him I was shopping with mom at the mall and was loaded down with purchases and saw him, her, and his daughter checking out and, no joke, RAN the other way and hid in the kitchen wares department of  Kohl's until I was sure they were gone while I proceeded to have a nice little panic attack.)  So far he's listened to what I said and not bothered me. I made it clear that as long as she was in the picture I couldn't be and the fact that he was marrying her when he obviously didn't want to was something I couldn't handle.
This whole thing has made me look at myself in ways I haven't enjoyed. Stacy Dr.Phil-ed me and told me I could be purposely going after unavailable men as a way of avoiding commitment.Well fuck. It's time to fix this shit and get on with it... I'm 31 years old and I'm single and I'm sick to death of it. 
So step one, get rid of the fucktard that's been screwing with my head/heart for the last 15 months. (semi-check... 15 days to go till that's done)
Step two, get off my ass. Since school is done for the semester I have sat on my ass in my apartment way to much, I need to get out of the damn house and find something to do.

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