I’m starting to wonder if the hype is true… am I totally crazy? Oh, for sure I know I’m at least a little bit crazy, it’s in my DNA, (Thanks Mom) but I’m wondering if my little bit has turned into a whole hell of a lot. I don’t want to spit some sob story about my life being hard or whatever, because I know EVERYONE has had it hard. I mean compared to say that kid Madonna adopted from Malawi or whatever, I grew up AWESOME. But compare me to some of those fucking assholes from Hollywood… yeah perspective. Let’s go down the checklist of the obvious stuff that fucked me up. Divorced parents. Check. Only child. Check. Father who had no clues what to do with a girl. Check. A mom that’s kind of crazy herself. Check. Well that’s a good enough to keep Dr. Phil busy for a couple of weeks. (Oh and I hate Dr. Phil. He’s a dick, yes he helps people, and yes, Oprah thinks he’s awesome. But something about him just pisses me off, and I think that he’s pussy whipped by that wife of his, and one of these days they are going to walk out on stage and she’s going to be pulling him by a leash.) I have self-diagnosed daddy issues, cause well, I’m a nut when it comes to guys. Like seriously. In my first post I talked about a guy that I was seeing for about 10 months (I used the term ‘seeing’ very loosely here.) Well, I had the best intentions of never speaking to him again, but that did not happen. This is the part where I’m starting to think that I’m bat shit crazy. I KNOW better. He’s an asshole, but something always pulls me into talking to him again, it’s like he’s a drug, and I’m an addict. I’m addicted to chasing after this dick head who isn’t all that impressive (yes I know that’s mean, and yes I know I’m not a rich super model, but trust me on this one) It’s because I’m a fixer. I want to save someone. I kept thinking, yeah, I could totally be in his life and make things better for him; I have a lot to offer. I’m smart, I have a good job, (and once I graduate I will have a better one, I hope) I work hard, him and I enjoy each other, we’ve got chemistry, and all that other crap, and I’m TOTALLY a big step up from his past girls. So here I am this, strong independent woman, whose smart enough to know better, but keeps getting pulled back into letting this person into my world, and I’m totally guilty because I WANT him there. This person who swore up and down he cared about me but lied to me from the start. And this wasn’t a little lie; this was a huge, Mount Everest kind of lie. But yet, like a junkie I go back for more. I have to be crazy right? Honestly I think I’m going to Google pink straightjackets cause if you are going to be crazy you might as well look cute while you do it. Am I the only one that does this? I mean in my head I should be running screaming from this dude, but for some reason my feet are cemented to the ground and I can’t go anywhere. What the fuck is that about? See I have to be totally crazy right? Truthfully I’ve always been a little nuts when it comes to men, I don’t know why. I think now it has to do with the fact that I’m almost 31 years old and I’m single. I’ve got it in my head that I should be married and barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen. I know that people are getting married later and later in life, and I know that there is nothing wrong with being 30 and single, but something in the recesses of my mind keep nagging me. Maybe it’s the biological clock that’s ticking or something. Apparently ones biological clock’s does not come with a snooze button, which is total bullshit. So, let’s recap the things I need. A new biological clock with a big ass snooze button, (hmm wonder if Bed, Bath, & Beyond has that in the Beyond section), a new mind set where I think that it’s ok to be 30 and single, and some sort of love life intervention (can I go to the classy rehab place with the massages and acupuncture and maids?)
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
I have survived the first week of school and then some. Well Monday (yesterday) was MLK Day so no class, and then tonight. I drive my happy ass to school (ok it’s not that far) get a bad ass parking spot only to find out my class has been cancel. Eh, this is the class I actually like (College Writing I) and I was a little bummed that it was canceled. My other class Algebra III is the biggest fucking joke ever. They don’t even teach. They put you in front of a computer and say there ya go, oh and on top of paying for the class you need to pay 75 bucks to access the website. Ok so you aren’t going to teach me anything, there is one test and I have to get a 76% on it or I can’t move on. Does anyone else see the issue here, cause I certainly do. I’m going into major amounts of debt for you to sit me in front of a computer and TEACH MY FUCKING SELF?! What a crock of shit. Thanks for the fine education you are giving me Kent State, what a bunch of fucking douche canoes. This is my new favorite word, thank you Jen at People Iwant to Punch in the Throat. This chic is by far one of the funniest people ever. After reading her blog I decide, ok I think I want to try this… granted ONE of my friends has the link to this blog. And apparently some Russians like me cause I keep getting page views from Russia so Здравствуйте! To all (3?) of my Russian readers. :D Anyway, first week of school down. Goal is try and blog once a week, to you know bitch about school and life and shit. So till next week kids!
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
So closure. I’m a person that needs that. Apparently there is a scientific scale for the need of closure; it’s appropriately called the Need for Closure Scale or the NFCS. These psychologist assholes are real creative aren’t they? Speaking of creative from what I’ve read they say that people that need closure are closed-minded and are uncomfortable with ambiguity and people that don’t need it express more ideational fluidity and emit more creative acts. Ok… well I hate fucking ambiguity. Drives me crazy, to me ambiguity is so weak. It’s like make a fucking choice already. I’m one of those people that like to know all the facts and the whole story. I’m a fucking Wikipedia junky. Honestly I should probably send them like half my income every month cause I used the site that much. So yes, I’m an asshole and I need closure. More often than not it takes me a long time to get it. Years in fact. There is still an ex-boyfriend or two that I’m bitter about. According to the NFCS I’m a control freak. Yeah, I’m going to go ahead and say that’s legit. I’m fucking weird about some shit, people doodling on my desk calendar at work or using a pen in my schedule book. Yes those are both stupid things to get uppity about but it just pisses me off. So let’s recap what we have learned today; I am a control freak that isn’t very creative and hates indecision. Yep sounds about right.