Auld Lang Sucks

Christmas is over! YAY! I’m glad it’s finally over, but I’ve got one more obstacle to get through before I can breathe a sigh of relief. Second only to Valentine’s Day, New Years is my most hated holiday. I think a lot of my distain for this holiday stems from my single status. Having no one to kiss at midnight and feeling like a total loser in the first minute of the New Year is not the way I want to start out.  I’ve spent a lot of New Year’s Eve’s single but, I was younger and with my girl friends and it was ok to be single at 22 but when you are 30 and single and at the bar you turn into “that girl”. Oh you know what I’m talking about. There is always that one girl or guy at the bar, that is just out of place or pathetic. The guy that you are pretty sure his mom picked out his clothes and it was easy for her because he still lives in her basement playing video games and working on his Star Trek fan fiction in his off time from his part time job delivering newspapers. Or the 45 year old lady dressed in a mini skirt and a top small enough for 5 year old and if she bends wrong you are going to see parts of her that only her OB/GYN should see.  Yes these are extreme examples but you know what I mean. Only big difference is these people don’t know they are pathetic and for me going to bar/party and being single on New Years makes me FEEL pathetic even if I’m really not. There’s a stigma to being single at the holidays, your family always gives you that sympathetic head tilt and the awww, you’ll find someone or my new favorite have you tried online dating. (UGH and no, that’s another post). I have lucked out and my family no longer asks about my love life or bothers me about my single status. Thank God all my stepsisters are married with kids or getting ready to have kids. Takes the pressure off me! So my last obstacle to the New Year is to get through this last soul-crushing holiday. I think I will do it with wine and some yummy food since come January I’m pretty sure my cat’s food will be better tasting then mine!

It's Christmas time...oh boy

It’s the holidays. Oh Joy. This is not exactly my favorite time of year, there are some things I love and some things I just despise. I made the decision to do the majority of my shopping online this year, and I am so glad I did. Mom and I decided that since I only worked half a day we would spend the afternoon shopping. Pretty sure my mom was shocked because I DO NOT like to shop. Yes apparently my mother’s shopping gene was not passed to me.  Mom learned a long time ago, that I’m a little like a shopping Gremlin. You can’t feed me before we shop or I can only get through 1 store before I start bitching about being bored and whining to go home. Seeing a 30 year old woman whining to her mommy to go home cause she’s tired is not a pretty site so eating is always saved for last. I actually made it though 8 stores (and Starbucks, which can be a whole other cluster fuck of people that piss me off) without wanting to slap anyone in the back of the head or even really being annoyed which is new to me. So mom took me to dinner as a reward for not being such a good shopper. So here I am tired as hell and all proud of myself for having all my holiday shopping done and over with, and then for some reason, I start thinking I need to go get two or 3 more gift cards to add to some gifts that I’ve already gotten. Well this would need to be Wal-Mart gift cards.  I have made avoiding the white trash mecca an art form and the idea of going in there on Christmas Eve Eve makes me a little ill.  I know tomorrow will be worse than if I get up and go right now. Hmmm, I could always could just go to the liquor store(which is a stones throw from my apartment) and buy wine… Yeah I think they would all like wine.

the start...

I’ve decided to start blogging. Who knows if I will actually stick with it or forget about it within a week but it’s worth a shot, right?  Even if no one reads it I will feel better for getting whatever is on my mind out.

The year is almost over and I will be glad to be done with it. I had some really good times and some I would rather forget.  My plan is to make 2012 a much better year for myself and to actually follow through on some goals I have set. I’m really bad at following through on things. I’m such a damn procrastinator. (I also have a tendency to ramble and get off topic quickly and easily) Ok, back to the point.

So 2011, a quick recap! Got to go on a basically a free trip to San Diego with my friend Nate. It was a phenomenal. We stayed at the HotelDel Coronado and it was a once in a lifetime trip. So my year started out on a high note. I also started college ,again. I was scared out of my mind but was pleasantly surprised on my ability to get into learning mode (and, hey, I’m not as dumb as I thought! Yay) I also started talking to someone new in February. Well he wasn’t new, he was technically old because I’ve known him since I was five. I kissed him behind the bookshelf in kindergarten and he took me to a movie and bought me ice cream (his mom drove of course). Now I’m sure you just did the mental ‘aww, isn’t that just so sweet’ thing in your head. Well let me tell you, that’s the last time you will have that thought about this dude.  I won’t go into detail but I can compare us to Sid & Nancy without all the fun drugs and rock & roll, oh and that murder thing. I think the new term for that would be a toxic relationship. So after 10 months of that crap it’s done and I’m better for it. The odd part about it, in the past I’ve been a total head case over things like this, and this time, I just wasn’t. Yes, there was one day that yes I got a little “upset” but nothing a little magic pill Xanax couldn’t fix. I was actually a little blasé about all of it.  Something just clicked in my head and said… I deserve more than this. I am too old for this Jerry Springer-esque shit. I decided that if I wanted more than that I need to actually WORK (eek) to get it, and that’s where my goal of making 2012 my year for improvement. School and a new diet and exercise regiment to start, (Ok, who am I kidding, my old diet and exercise regiment was eating lots of take out and watching a lot of Netflix.) but also sticking with this notion of deserving more. It’s been said to me a thousand times, you have to love yourself before someone can love you. To me that sounds like bullshit excuse on why I can’t seem to find a man, but I get it. So lets hope this attitude sticks around I get some results.