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| Jeff, Matt & Dave. Circa 2004/2005? |
On Friday it will have been five years since my friend
Matt’s passing. He was a good friend, who was honest and straightforward and
caring. I loved him very much. The
anniversary of his death makes me remember things, makes me miss him and makes
me think of what I could of done. I get angry with myself for loosing touch
with him and letting so much time pass between us. We were both guilty of it
though, so I can’t totally blame myself. We drifted apart; friends do that all
the time for different reasons. But, my heart still breaks every year at this
time. I try not to dwell on it, but I do anyway. I flash back to his funeral,
his girlfriends sobs, sitting between Tamra and Crystal and them holding my
hands while I cried. Sitting behind Dave, Jeff and Nate watching them comfort
each other. Being angry at him for doing this to all of us, and being afraid of
my own demons that had pushed me so close to that same point. There have been
times lately that I wish I could call him up and ask his advice. He’d give it
to me straight and tell me the truth but he’d cheer me up in the process. I
know he’s watching over me, wherever he is. It makes me laugh because he would
hate me talking about him like he was a saint or something, and he’d give me a
hard time about having his initials tattooed on my wrist too. Telling me I was
ridiculous. I miss him all the time. Awhile back I wrote this.
It's ironic to me that his birthday, his death and Suicide Awareness Month all fall in September. I know my blog doesn't reach many but please spread the word. If you are in crisis or know someone who is SPEAK OUT. Tell someone, talk to that person. Suicide is 100% preventable if people reach out . Call or get in touch with the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline.
